Why Me?!!!!!


Hello my lovelies,

so I am back and this will probably be the shortest blog I have done to date. (Given the Holy Spirit doesn’t take over) So the question I used to ask myself while I went through all the difficult seasons in my life was “Lord why me?” As tears streamed down my face and I contemplated giving up and actually tried on several occasions I wanted to know where God was. Why would He allow me to be abused, mistreated, lied on, talked about, and persecuted if He loved me? Why did I have to endure so much heartache from physical loss to practically losing my mind. If He truly loved me why did He not protect me or even better yet why wouldn’t He allow me to leave this earth when I clearly had nothing to lose. (So I thought.) If you haven’t read my introduction and you look at my photos you wouldn’t see half of the scars I have had to endure. You name it I’ve been there, abuse, addiction, depression, attempts at suicide, rejected, loss of everything from money to people.  I too share many of you all’s scars. So please do not EVER think you are alone. 
During those trials I always wondered where the true and loving God was. Through a vision I had (for those who believe) I can tell you exactly where He was and the answer may or may not surprise you. He was there with so much love and sorrow so please don’t think He forgot you. Everything we suffer He suffered through His son on the cross. With tears streaming down my face I can tell you that He truly was there and He loved you even in the midst of it all. He called your name and wept for you in sin. He was the force that kept you and gave you strength when things happened to you that you couldn’t and still may not find the courage to speak. He was right there and while the enemy tried to convince you that you were all alone, that no one loved you He was there telling you He loves you, He forgives you, He wants you despite what happened. Don’ quit, don’t give up and when you feel there is no where to turn call on Him.  As I type this my heart goes out to you. In certain areas I still feel at rock bottom but the beautiful thing about having Christ is knowing that He is there with you and He will take care of ALL of your needs in time. Have Faith and trust Him. 
There are two stories that come to mind as I write about the Why Me experience and then I will end: 
There were two ladies who went through it. The dramatic difference from faith and taking on the pain that you were never meant to carry on your own is huge. I’m going to give you the  names of the women and a brief summary with scripture. 
Tamar: Daughter of King David 
Raped by her brother, rejected, and stuck in a place of turmoil for the remainder of her days. 
2 Samuel 13 
Ruth: Widow/ Wife of Boaz
Widowed and given the opportunity to go home. Stayed with her mother in law, gleaned left over grain. Married one of the wealthiest men in Bethlehem. 
Book of Ruth
I gave these stories to show you the difference in trusting God. To let you know God is no respecter of man (Acts 10:34) and we will all suffer something. But be encouraged because God is always near (Psalms 145:18). That despite the trials if we can just trust that God loves us (and He does) that we will have the victory and joy (Psalms 30:5) if we faint not. Be of good faith (1 Timothy 6:12) and know the reward of you sorrow will be great.(Galatians 6:9)  I know it’s hard to believe but  remember we have overcome everything that Satan can throw at us through the blood of Jesus Christ on the cross. (Revelations 12:11) We serve a God who can’t lie and the storm will soon cease. I am with you and my heart and prayers go out to you as I to am currently going through battles of my own. But I am encouraged by knowing that I serve a GREAT God and I have a Savior who took all of my sins, weaknesses, sicknesses, iniquities, and persecutions on the Cross. 
Stay faithful, be encouraged, you were made beautifully and wonderfully without blemish, God loves you so much and you are His beloved. You will soon come out and be so much stronger than you were before going through your trials. 
Love and prayers always, 

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