Love Story

Hi guys! 

Happy Tuesday. If you‘re new welcome, if you’re a returning reader welcome back. Please make sure to like, share, or comment if you like what you see. Don’t forget to follow for future content. 

Today’s post is extremely special because November 20th is the day I married the love of my life!

Discalimer: If you are in an abusive situation please get help. This post does not support domestic abuse or violence. Please get counseling and if it’s a physically violent situation please seek protection from qualified emergency shelters. Love does not equate to abuse. Hugs and prayers for you.  

So I wanted to  take you guys on through The love journey of Joshua and I. If you are still interested please keep reading. 

In Aug of 2014 I was in a dead end relationship. I had a 1 year old and had been seeing a young man that I knew I  didn’t want to spend my life with. I had tried to shape myself around who I thought he wanted to be with. But I didn’t like who I was becoming.

So, I took time for myself and started to become who I wanted to be. I got into prayer, scripture, and even went back to church. 

One day I was sitting in church when unexplainably I heard in my spirit (if you don’t believe in these things that’s fine but I do) to have Joshua pray for me. It was a strong urge. I didn’t know who Joshua was, and I attended a huge mega church so he could have been anyone. I tried shaking it off but it came to me again. This time Josh had walked down the aisle (I still didn’t know who he was). I leaned over and asked my mom if that man‘s name was Joshua pointing him out. She said it was, I told her I think I am supposed to have him pray for me. 

I debated asking him to pray for me believing he would think that I was crazy. Church ended and I kept trying to say ok God if this is supposed to happen let a series of things happen. The series of things happened and I wasn’t going to follow through with it. In fact, it was going to be my last Sunday at that church. So, if it didn’t happen then it wasn’t going to happen. 

My mom forced me to speak to him. I told him I had heard God in my spirit to have him pray for me. I didn’t know what for and I know it sounded crazy. 

He indeed prayed for me and invited me to these classes he would be teaching starting the following week. I wasn’t driving so he offered to pick me up to attend the classes with his friends at church. We exchanged information. As I walked up the stairs that same voice told me that Joshua would be my husband. I of course thought I was going crazy. 

The first night of classes started and he picked me up as promised. Literally with in 10 minutes I gave this guy my life story. I’m like surely he wouldn’t want to have anything outside of being a mentor or prayer partner. Because let’s just say it was a STORY! He didn’t say anything to stop me or to condemn me. Picked up his friends and had a great class. 

I  continued to attend his classes and even attended church together a few times. (Always having someone with us.) Specifically as friends. I ended the relationship with the guy. Josh didn’t really say anything or even try to court me for a while. I thought it was because I was an unwed mother (though he knew my daughter was conceived of rape). I was in school online but unemployed and was going through a crazy courtcase with my daughters bio. 

He still remained to be a strong support system and friend. Nothing more and I was ok with that. 

He spent time with my daughter, family, friends,  and I. We talked about Scripure, prayers, things I wanted to know about the Bible. Eventually we got into talking about our personal lives and he was not really showing any interest in me. I thought that it must have been a sign that I was crazy though the more time we spent around each other the more infatuated I became. 

Long story short we took our friendship to a courting relationship (with chaperons with a mutual friend.) My mother tried to tell Josh I wasn’t ready for marriage, I fill guys up with hope, get bored, and then move on. Etc. Joshua decided that if we were going to continue courting that would be OUR decision.

We got engaged in July of 2015. Started planning a wedding and I kept saying I wanted to elope. We went through the process of planning a wedding anyways because he wanted to do it for our families and friends. When we finally came to the conclusion of it would be a ton of money just to please other people we decided that we should get married how we saw fit. 

We talked about it and finally decided that we would get married Nov 20th of 2015. My mom tried to talk me out of it. But I knew that this was the man I wanted to spend my life with. 

We said our I do’s. Me reciting the vows but only putting positives in place of negatives, example through sickness and health became from health and great health, richer and poorer became richer and richer. And that day I became his first and his last. 

Over the past three years we have survived miscarriage, rumors, starting a church that we ended up closing 2 years later (story for another day). We’ve experienced loss and new beginnings. Including the birth of our son and daughter. 



Though many may see a lot of the things we’ve gone through and see struggle. I’ve seen growth, I’ve received unconditional love and given unconditional love. I can say I’m married to my best friend and I wouldn’t have it any other way. 

God has blessed me with 3 years of a beautiful marriage in a time marriage is scoffed at. I can’t wait to see what the future holds for me and my love. 

Hope this post gives some of you readers hope for beautiful unions. Know that nothing worth having comes easy.

If you’re struggling in marriage I pray that you take a step back and start to love your spouse as God loves you. Offer true forgiveness, and prayer for yourself. Know that marriage isn’t easy but it can be beautiful as long as you and your spouse make it intentional. 

If you are looking for love give that desire to God. And allow Him to be the author of your love story. It may sound cliche, but marriage is a testimony of its own. If you marry the wrong person it can mean hell. 

With love, 





Try it Thursday: Indulgence Edition

Welcome to Try It Thursday:Indulgence  Edition.

I hope everyone has had a great week! If you’re new and like what you see please make sure to comment, like, and/or follow for future content.

We’ve had a LONG week, so I thought we could have some fun and take a load off. So tonight we’re doing drinks, dessert, and enjoying one another. If you know what I mean.

If you could use a little fun to kickstart your weekend. Keep reading.

Disclaimer: Drink responsibly and use protection.

Stawberries would be amazing to add with some of the desserts and drinks mentioned. Sadly I have a strawberry allergy. But please if you can. Enjoy some for me.

Also, omit the alcohol if you don’t drink and use juice, cider, milk, etc. in these recipes to make them equally satisfying.

Today’s Drink and Dessert Menu

Apple Crusher: Apple pie and Caramel Drizzle

Mudslide: Chocolate Brownies A La modé

Sweet red wine: Chocolate Chip Cookies

Start all drinks by chilling glasses and ingredients prior to making  recipes.

If you have any other drinks or dessert ideas you’d like to share please make sure that you comment below!


Apple Crusher: 2 servings

Granulated Sugar

Caramel Sauce

1 part Apple Cider

1/4 part Grey Goose or Vodka of choice (more or less to taste)

1/4 club soda

Crushed Ice

1/2 Sweet Apple Finely Diced (optional)

1.Dip glass rim in warm caramel sauce and roll glass rim in sugar. Add diced apple pieces into bottom of glass. Muddle for essence.

2. Add crushed ice.

3. Add vodka of choice.

4. Add apple cider.

5. Stir, garnish with apple slices if desired.

Apple Pie: Favorite store bought apple pie or you can make your own.

Vanilla ice cream or Nice Cream(2 frozen bananas, splash of vanilla extract for flavoring. Blend until smooth.)

Caramel sauce

1. Follow instructions on box for apple pie.

2. Let cool.

3.Slice, serve with vanilla nice/ ice cream and drizzle of caramel sauce.


Mudslide: 2 Servings

1 Part Khalua

1.5 Part Irish Cream Liquer

1 Part Vodka of Choice


Chocolate Syurp

1. Dip rim in chocolate syrup. (Optional Add Chocolate syrup to bottom of glass)

2.Add Ice.

3. Add Khalua: Store bought or DIY

check here for recipe:

4. Add Irish cream.

5. Stir. Add drizzle of chocolate syrup.

Serve. Immediately.


Buy  your favorite mix or DIY.

Ice cream of choice

Toppings: Caramel sauce, Chocolate syrup warmed (optional)

1.Make brownies as instructed on the box. . Let cool slightly.

2. Slice. Top with ice cream and toppings of choice.

3. Serve  immediately.


Sweet Red Wine

1. Chill glass and wine.

2. Add wine to chilled glass.

3. Serve.

Chocolate Chip Cookies or Cookies of Choice

1. Purchase your own or DIY.

2. Serve warm.


Evening Set Up:

1. Dim the lights. Light the candles.

2. Turn on some sexy tunes to set the mood.

3. Throw on a sexy outfit, spray some enticing perfume, (or cologne). (Costumes are on sale so you can pick one up to surprise your love.)  If you’re single some nice pjs would work just as nice.

4. Pick a movie or just enjoy each other’s company. Dance around your living room, play some games. Ideas are endless.

5. Try something new with your love. If you’re single do something you enjoy.

Be safe and enjoy your evening,

wink, wink



Photo Credit: Google Images for actual photos please visit my IG @4mommyvibez page.




Wake Up Call



Happy 2016!!!

I haven’t written a blog in forever and it’s just because I have allowed myself to become so “BUSY” trying to live life. More or less if others read it or not I just want to share my experience and challenge you all to get back to the basics of building a heartfelt relationship with Christ and join this journey with me.

I can be transparent enough to say that over the past year I allowed my fire to die down on my search for the one and only LIVING God. I remember at one time only wanting to be on my face, hungry for the Word and wanting nothing to come in between my love and relationship with Christ. That doesn’t mean that I didn’t want a relationship with Christ but I became so overwhelmed with wanting to “live” life that I kind of pushed Him to the back burner of prayer, a worship service here or there, and Sunday mornings where I would try to feed off a snack that my Pastor was given expecting for that to give me the strength to seek Him during my week. Days not seeking Him turned into weeks, months, and then a YEAR. Not saying that I didn’t spend time with God but where He once was my all in all He to me became a mere acquaintance. I allowed myself to become so consumed with work, raising a child, dating and now becoming a wife I stopped caring as much about the Savior of my soul. Was it intentional? NO! But do we ever mean to hurt the people we love most?

Though I am blessed to have a husband, church family, office family, and a wonderful support system with my family and friends I can say I have felt empty and as if something were missing. Though I still attend church I can say my interest hasn’t been focused on the Word. I can’t expect my Pastor’s message to fill the place of love and devotion that I once had with my Father. We have to stop looking to music, titles, and individuals who are human just as we are to fill the place where God can only be.

So I have made it my #1 goal to reintroduce myself to Our Father and to get to know the Father in the most intimate way. I have challenged myself to start off with one hour a day devoted to our Father with prayer, study and worship and allow Him to increase the time where He sees fit. I encourage anyone who wishes to get back to the basics of Learning and being lead by the Spirit to join in. I get it we all fall. But relationship with Christ isn’t about our failures as you see we are told in Romans 3:23-24 ” For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and all are justified freely by His grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus” and in Psalm 117:2 “For His loving kindness is great towards us, and His Truth everlasting.”

Despite what you may hear or what you may think God allowed you to come across this blog for a reason. As He has called me to a place of fellowship and intimacy I truly believe He is calling you. He is not taken aback from where you have fallen because in Jeremiah 29:11 states ” For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans for welfare and  NOT for evil. To give you a future and hope.”

It doesn’t matter if you’re a leader in the church, or a lost soul looking for something greater if you think you have fallen or feel that God is calling you back to Him please do not turn and run. God loves you and He wants you to be with Him now and in the place of eternity seated with Christ as it states in Romans 8:17 “we are children, heirs also, heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, if we indeed suffer with Him so we may be glorified with Him.”

I am going to end this blog with a prayer and I encourage you to stay strong and keep your mind on Christ first and allow Him to direct your path and add unto you your portion. You are loved so much and if no one else tells you, know that you are precious in His sight.

Lord I thank You for your love and mercy. I thank You God for your grace and wisdom. Thank you for your guidance and drawing us closer to you Father God. Lord as You alone called me I know You have called my brother or sister to come across this post to come back to you as they have strayed. Lord I am praying that if there is anything that is standing in the way of you reaching their heart that you remove the obstacle and place people in their lives to help direct them back to you God. I am asking that you birth a hunger in them that can not be quenched by the word of man or by natural food but Your Word alone God. I am asking Father God that you so penetrate their lives God that their walk resembles yours that their mouths no longer wish to speak things that don’t resemble you God but they become a light in this world for you. Father I ask that you protect them from the hands of the enemy and if there is anything not pleasing in their lives to your sight God that you forgive them and you wash them in the blood of Jesus. That above all else God your will be done in their lives and that as they seek you Lord others may start to follow. Father God we thank you for the sacrifice you made by giving us your Beloved Son Jesus Christ on the Cross and we ask that Lord our relationships be a reflection of who you called us to be. If there are any burdens Lord that you remove them. and that you show mercy on all those who have done us wrong. Continue to teach us your ways Lord of prayer, fasting, reading, and acting on your Word as  continue to show us who You are. Bless the lives of all those who have come across this post.  In Jesus name and every heart says


Just One Word

Hello again, 

so I woke up in the midnight hour and decided to write this post. This post is about the relationship I had developed and how this relationship not only changed my life but saved it. 

I remember growing up always having to go to church. Even if my mother didn’t go she made sure that my twin sister and later on four younger sisters had a relationship with God even if she didn’t. I truly believe because of this seed of knowing there was a God out there who loved me enough to die for my sins is what has kept me alive for these 23 years and I am not speaking figuratively. 

When I was just 17 years old I started speaking to this guy who later on would be the bases of why I truly came to know the Lord. In the beginning he was sweet, charming, and knew all the beautiful things to say. I had just started fixing my life that was once so consumed with alcohol, pills, and anger that I managed to keep hidden for almost four years. What was so special about this young man who was in a prestigious college wasn’t his title or his money (though those were perks) but his knowledge of the Bible. I had never met someone in my generation who knew God’s Word so well. 

By the age of 18 this guy and I met in person. He was not what I expected but he spent money on taking me out with my sister and best friend. He seemed to care about me other then wanting to be too physical on the first occasion. What started off as what I tried to imagine as a love story after issues of stupid “relationships” where a few were physical and others were just puppy love turned into a complete nightmare. 

The man who knew so much of God’s Word would use that Word to trap me in a physical and mentally abusive relationship for almost 4 years. In this relationship I was isolated from my family and friends, I was in college and working at an Old Navy at the time. I had a car that was bought to keep me trapped because I could only use it to go to school, my grandparents house, work, and back and forth to Annapolis where his school was located. I was forced to dress a certain way, have my hair a certain way, and was not allowed to wear make up. The people who were to protect me only encouraged the relationship because in their words “I didn’t want to end up like my mother. With no husband.” “If I would just listen and stop being so stubborn maybe he wouldn’t have to hit me” and that “If I only trusted God it would get better”. I eventually got engaged to this man who would often degrade me and beat me behind closed doors. My closest friend at the time would be my concealer though ironically I wasn’t allowed to wear a lot of make up. I had ended my relationship with my mentor/counselor because he didn’t feel she was good enough at her job since I was at such a poor state in my life though I was much like every other college student. 

I eventually moved away to get away from this man. After several hundred calls I changed my number and blocked him on all social media. He found me. Convinced me of only wanting to be friends and that he wanted to give me the car which I stupidly fell for. He would later attack me in a hotel room where I was raped and impregnated though he would tell a different story. After which I was forced to have sex with him because he had taken all of my money and placed it into a “joint” account where he could control everything. Including how I would pay my rent, travel, and eat. Through the time I did spend away from him I did the only thing I could think of. I searched for something, anything that could help me get out of such a toxic relationship. I searched for the God I heard about in all of those years in church. Clearly this man wasn’t accurate about the word he was giving to me because 1 Corinthians 13 told me love did not hurt and would do no harm. Where this man was literally bleeding me of my life. So I started to read the word for myself after contemplating suicide because it seemed as if he would never go away. I cried out to God to save me and it seemed as if my prayers were falling on to deaf ears. But I stayed in my word. I read the scriptures I knew which was Proverbs 31, and The Lord’s Prayer. None of those helped me. The day I finally decided to attempt to take my life God lead me to few a scriptures that would forever change my life and He would continue until I had the strength to finally leave. This Word was so powerful and alive that I managed to leave that relationship and haven’t returned. It healed me of the pain I endured and gave me the power to forgive all the wrong done to me and the wrong I have done to others. Though I have a daughter with this man she is the most precious gift and blessing that has shown me in all tragedies God still remains. She was the light along with the Word that saved me from making a terrible mistake. This Word gave me the strength to continue to not just live life but to have the best relationship with a forgiving, loving, caring, genuine, God. And because of this Word I have found a rare love and friendship in a relationship that has purpose. With a man who loves me “the way Christ loves the church.” 
Scriptures that helped me leave and encouraged me the most during that season: 

Dueteronomy 31:6 “Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; He will never leave nor forsake you.” 
James 4:8 “Come near to God and He will come near to you.” 
Romans 5:8 “But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us” 

The final scripture that once trapped me would be the same scripture that would ironically free me. Because I stopped putting a man in the place that God should have always been. With this I hope it brings as much joy to your heart as mine. I will close with this Word and I encourage you to search the scriptures for yourself to see that it is EXACTLY what it says it is. It is a Living Word, from a loving God. 
1 Corinthians 13: 4-8; 13 “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails…..13 And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love. 


Glass Houses and Heavy Stones

Hello all, 

so I have been MIA for good reasons, but God willing I will have a post at least once a week . Something that has been on my heart lately that my family has been struggling with is throwing heavy stones into each others glass houses. It’s sad to think that in times of weakness the ones closest to our hearts though  strained are the ones who have the words that shatter us the most. As if trying to make ends meet, raising children, watching over siblings, school, and/or dealing with false friends isn’t enough. So I decided to write about the glass houses we live in and the power of the stones we throw. 

We all (myself included)  have a glass house we live in. We are all destined at one time or another to make mistakes. We fall, we fail but we manage through the strength of God, family, friends, or just the courage to not want to be a failure get up and try again attempting to fix the damage we caused.   However in the midst of these trials we become hardened to the reality that EVERYONE is like that. We take it upon ourselves to look at another person and become angry at the fact that they did something to hurt or offend us. We become angry and allow it to build up, forgetting that we too may have offended someone and at a time where we feel the most offense pick up the biggest stones we can find and throw it as hard as we can at the house of another leaving another gapping hole for them to have to repair. Not realizing that when we do this we are leaving an opportunity to allow someone  come do the same to us. Creating a never ending cycle of repairing holes and throwing stones instead of building on our foundation that will allow us to withstand real trials outside of words of offense. 

I don’t know about you all but personally I have enough holes I have created myself that are hard enough to repair. I have learned that it takes a whole lot of strength and restraint to forgive and in the process of forgiving the stones that were thrown into my own home becomes a part of my foundation and in return makes my glass house able to withstand a little more to those outside who aren’t man or woman enough to watch over their own homes because they are afraid to look at their own damage. I have found that by focusing on myself and by wanting to help heal the wounds of others my once fragile state of mind can withstand more and things that once broke me don’t even bruise me. Instead of anger I have turned to forgiveness and loving others becomes easier. By doing this I create not only a peace in my life but a well of blessings. Eventually those who have thrown a stone or to into my home retrieve the stones and healing for themselves begin. If I had continued the cycle it would have never ended and I would much rather have a life full of happiness and peace then that of bitterness and anger. Its draining. 

We are told not to judge least be judged (Matt.7:1), forgive as the Lord forgives (Col. 3:13), to owe our brother nothing but love (Rom. 13:8), that wisdom makes us slow to anger, and our glory is in our capabilities of overlooking an offense, (Pro. 19:11)

I’m not saying it is an easy thing to do, but it leaves you in a better position because it makes you responsible on taking your life back. To prevent others from being the cause of why you can’t be happy to live the beautiful life God wills for you. You choose the type of home you live in and what you allow to penetrate the very foundation that is your life. I chose to be happy and to make forgiveness and love my foundation. My life isn’t perfect but it is a wonderful life. All because I made the choice to stop throwing stones and instead focusing on the areas that I found to hurt me the most. It has been a challenging yet rewarding life, and I can’t see what blessings are to come. 

You too have the same opportunities to build on your foundation and stop throwing stones. I hope you choose the wiser path that will bring you peace. 

Peace and blessings, 


Pursuing Happiness

Hello to my lovely readers, 
so I haven’t written in awhile just because time has gotten away from me and I refuse to just write something that isn’t heartfelt. Rest assured I am back on track and hope to be a little more consistent with my posts. On to the good stuff. 

 I have constantly searched for things to bring me happiness. I have looked for it in material things which caused me to stay in relationships that shouldn’t have gone past a hello. I have looked into the face of boys and men longing for them to assure me of my value and have attempted to put on a facade of love believing that if it were indeed love happiness although temporary would come. I have looked at the lives of celebrities, and love stories such as Romeo and Juliet and even Twilight to discover how I could find that happiness, that love, that joy portrayed on the screen and in books. With no luck, a broken heart, a few bumps and bruises, and many tear filled nights and fake smiles I am glad to say that happiness can be found and kept. 

Happiness is defined as the quality or state of being ( 

So after all of my looking and complaining about how EVERYONE else gets to be happy I have realized happiness is my own state of being. Well I wasn’t satisfied with that because if it were that easy to be happy wouldn’t everyone be happy all the time? We would smile more and frown less, hold our heads high, give hugs, smell the roses,  and the world would know peace. But it isn’t and as a strong believer in the word I had to see what my Father had to say about this touchy subject. Does He agree with the definition but most importantly how can  happiness be achieved in my own personal life. 

Psalms 144:15 “Happy are those who are like this; happy are the people whose God is the Lord. NCV 
Psalms 146:5   “Happy are those who are helped by the God of Jacob NCV
Proverbs 16:20 “Whoever trusts listens to what is taught will succeed, and whoever trusts the Lord will be happy. NCV 

There of course are many more scriptures but I find it interesting that in each of the scriptures it speaks of the Lord. When I look back over my life the happiest moments came when I was in the presence of the Lord, when I would fellowship with Him, and I longed to please Him. When I took out all of my selfish desires and just lived my life wanting to discover my purpose, and wanting to gain the Lord’s approval. When I only focused on the Lord and depended on Him my true friends were made known, the drama subsided, my finances and classes were in order, I had no worries even when test and trials were brought my way. As the New Year approaches I can honestly say I am truly happy. I don’t have everything I want but I have my health, I have loved ones, I have peace. My relationship has grown to the point where I have learned to be happy and anxious for nothing. That His Sovereignty is enough to keep me and that no matter what happens I will always be kept as long as I seek Him. I’ve been looking for happiness in human beings and in things but I didn’t look for it in the most beautiful Creator and now that I have I can say my pursuit of happiness is truly blossoming. I’m not guaranteed perfection but I am guaranteed that if I am steadfast and trust in the Lord He will use ALL things together for my good. That in itself makes me happy and should be enough to bring you happiness for He is NO respecter of man. He has given you Salvation through Christ, and grace to live a life of fulfillment and happiness. Seek Him and everything else will follow. 

My prayer is that the Holy Spirit guides you into a prayer life, and a relationship of your own that allows you to see that everything you need can be found in the Lord. That He manifests so greatly it draws others to the light that is sure to shine through you and that you too experience the happiness in a greater capacity than I have. 

Love and Blessings Always, 

Why Me?!!!!!


Hello my lovelies,

so I am back and this will probably be the shortest blog I have done to date. (Given the Holy Spirit doesn’t take over) So the question I used to ask myself while I went through all the difficult seasons in my life was “Lord why me?” As tears streamed down my face and I contemplated giving up and actually tried on several occasions I wanted to know where God was. Why would He allow me to be abused, mistreated, lied on, talked about, and persecuted if He loved me? Why did I have to endure so much heartache from physical loss to practically losing my mind. If He truly loved me why did He not protect me or even better yet why wouldn’t He allow me to leave this earth when I clearly had nothing to lose. (So I thought.) If you haven’t read my introduction and you look at my photos you wouldn’t see half of the scars I have had to endure. You name it I’ve been there, abuse, addiction, depression, attempts at suicide, rejected, loss of everything from money to people.  I too share many of you all’s scars. So please do not EVER think you are alone. 
During those trials I always wondered where the true and loving God was. Through a vision I had (for those who believe) I can tell you exactly where He was and the answer may or may not surprise you. He was there with so much love and sorrow so please don’t think He forgot you. Everything we suffer He suffered through His son on the cross. With tears streaming down my face I can tell you that He truly was there and He loved you even in the midst of it all. He called your name and wept for you in sin. He was the force that kept you and gave you strength when things happened to you that you couldn’t and still may not find the courage to speak. He was right there and while the enemy tried to convince you that you were all alone, that no one loved you He was there telling you He loves you, He forgives you, He wants you despite what happened. Don’ quit, don’t give up and when you feel there is no where to turn call on Him.  As I type this my heart goes out to you. In certain areas I still feel at rock bottom but the beautiful thing about having Christ is knowing that He is there with you and He will take care of ALL of your needs in time. Have Faith and trust Him. 
There are two stories that come to mind as I write about the Why Me experience and then I will end: 
There were two ladies who went through it. The dramatic difference from faith and taking on the pain that you were never meant to carry on your own is huge. I’m going to give you the  names of the women and a brief summary with scripture. 
Tamar: Daughter of King David 
Raped by her brother, rejected, and stuck in a place of turmoil for the remainder of her days. 
2 Samuel 13 
Ruth: Widow/ Wife of Boaz
Widowed and given the opportunity to go home. Stayed with her mother in law, gleaned left over grain. Married one of the wealthiest men in Bethlehem. 
Book of Ruth
I gave these stories to show you the difference in trusting God. To let you know God is no respecter of man (Acts 10:34) and we will all suffer something. But be encouraged because God is always near (Psalms 145:18). That despite the trials if we can just trust that God loves us (and He does) that we will have the victory and joy (Psalms 30:5) if we faint not. Be of good faith (1 Timothy 6:12) and know the reward of you sorrow will be great.(Galatians 6:9)  I know it’s hard to believe but  remember we have overcome everything that Satan can throw at us through the blood of Jesus Christ on the cross. (Revelations 12:11) We serve a God who can’t lie and the storm will soon cease. I am with you and my heart and prayers go out to you as I to am currently going through battles of my own. But I am encouraged by knowing that I serve a GREAT God and I have a Savior who took all of my sins, weaknesses, sicknesses, iniquities, and persecutions on the Cross. 
Stay faithful, be encouraged, you were made beautifully and wonderfully without blemish, God loves you so much and you are His beloved. You will soon come out and be so much stronger than you were before going through your trials. 
Love and prayers always,