Lose Control

Hello everyone, 
so this has been an unexpected journey this past week. If you ask anyone closest to me if I am bossy the answer after checking to see if I am in ear shot would be YES! Well this week I have come to realize that being in control doesn’t work with everything especially when you want to be used by God. I have been trying to figure out what has been keeping me from going into the next realm with God and the answer to my surprise was trust God and lose control. Here I am believing that I am trusting God and then to be told that I have to give Him complete control as in don’t ask any questions and be a yes man to the leading of the Holy Spirit I was shocked. I’m not going to lie I was a bit perplexed and afraid. But then I realized the one time I really did trust God I was at such peaceful place in my life. I had no worries because I knew that as a child of God He had all of my needs met. 
Now when I gave myself to man and gave up control to him my life was a TOTAL mess. I’m like God this was supposed to be my future husband and His response was “I didn’t tell you that, you never let me in that relationship, you didn’t ask me my thoughts. It was all Ashley.”  So I had to go and get myself out of that situation (because I’m so stubborn and hard headed) and then instead of giving God the control I went and took my life back into my own hands. I love Heather Lindsey because of her faith in God.  Her story was far from perfect and God had to get her to a place where all seemed like it would be lost unless He stepped in. I feel I am at that place in my life right now, where nothing seems to be going my way and yet I am like okay God whenever you are ready. 
As I type this post I am reminded of Jonah. God told Jonah to be a messenger and Jonah wanted to do things his way. Eventually Jonah had to obey God after being thrown overboard trying to run from God, and getting swallowed by a fish being trapped in the belly for 3 days. Jonah goes and tells the people of Nineveh the prophecy of them being destroyed. The thing that frustrated me the most out of this situation was God spared the people of Nineveh and Jonah was upset by it. He would have rather died than to do what God instructed Him to do, and then Jonah obeys God, but because God chose to spare the people Jonah gets angry. As I finished reading the story I was thrown off because Jonah had a job, disobeyed God, did his job, and felt as if God had cheated him because God chose to be sovereign.  (Book of Jonah)
As I’m typing now I have been given a revelation. God giving us a purpose and Him having control isn’t just about building a relationship with Him or for things that benefit us. God will bless obedience, and you will have the most beautiful relationship with the Father. But, we were not created for ourselves. God created us with purpose to help be a light to the dark places and bring His children to the knowledge of His son and His grace. We may get blessed and all our needs and desires met but that’s just because He loves us. The reward is knowing that by obeying God and losing control we can help spare a brother, sister, or group of individuals from having to spend an eternity in hell. This life is only a temporary place. My God and His place that is being prepared by Jesus is for eternity. 

I’m not willing to miss Him or slow down His plans to bring others home because I want to be selfish and have my way.I don’t want to do only half of what He wanted because things aren’t the way I like.  I’m prone to many errors and mistakes because I am human. But relinquishing all power to the great creator means I don’t have to suffer the consequences of errors because God makes no mistakes. I’m not always going to get it right but as long as I am obedient all things will work together for my good. (Romans 8:28) I have decided today to lose control and trust God despite not being able to understand it. (Proverbs 3:5-6) God’s ways and reasons are not our concern because we can only see today but He sees and knows all things. (Isaiah 55:8-13) My prayer is that someone will read this and do the same. By doing this I know that we are going to experience a true life and relationship that is worth having and our time will be maximized with beautiful experiences. 

God bless. 

Where are all the Christians?

Hello everyone, 
I hope you all are doing well. So this is a quick blog because I just finished having a deep conversation with the Holy Spirit. I’m praying you all are doing the same and if not that God will bless you so that you may be able to hear and fellowship with Him as well. 

Anyways, in this conversation I was asked a question. “Why is it that there are more individuals following the nation of Islam than that of Christianity?” My first response was “IDK”. I then had a flashback to this past weekend in the car with one of my aunts. She is a Muslim and she spoke of how she and her sisters of the faith look out for one another. But there were other things I was informed` and reminded of by the Holy Spirit.

The things I have learned: 
Those associated with the Nation of Islam are wise with their money. 
They give back to their community. 
The show true love in the brotherhood/sisterhood. 
They study both the Bible and the Quran. 

Now I was stunned because I was then asked where were the Christians? I was then allowed to see how sad the church looked compared to that of the Nation of Islam. Please do not get offended I am just sharing with you all what was given to me in hopes that it will spark something in you as it did myself. Not judging and not saying all but quite a few resemble the following: 

Christians attend church once a week in their “Sunday’s Best”. 
They don’t tithe appropriately if it all. 
They only apply what they learned during the sermon not checking to see if it adds up to His word. 
We ignore those in need. 
We give back when we notice their is an opportunity for publicity. 
We judge, talk about, and ignore our brothers and sisters in Christ and those yet to be brought back home; or we judge them and make them feel unworthy of being in the “House of the Lord” when Christ said WE ARE THE CHURCH and to go and SHARE the Good News. Not gossip, share the new car, or Michael Kors you were blessed with yet your house is secretly in foreclosure. 

When is that last time you’ve seen a minister of Islam charged with embezzlement or caught committing adultery? 

The reason the Nation of Islam is flourishing in their denomination is because they are applying the obedience and principles we are given by God. But they miss the Salvation without Christ because there was only one begotten Son who shed His blood, died on the Cross, and rose from the dead. We are lacking and making a mockery of the work Christ did because we have accessed the Salvation and grace of God but we don’t exhibit the obedience and works commanded of us.  If we DID we would be going out and sharing God’s grace, we would study the Word which is where the power is, we would give to those in need and give to God what is His, we would love and forgive without a second thought. Our HEARTS and MINDS would be Christ centered instead of ME centered. Christ went out and gave to the poor, healed the sick, and spread the Gospel. WE were given that same ability through the acceptance of the Holy Spirit by confessing Jesus is Lord. (Matthew 10:7)

Remember I am not saying all Christians are like the stated above,  and I am not judging. I am just sharing with you all so that you may search yourselves as I have (and will continue to do daily)  to ensure we are walking daily in the fruits of the Spirit. (Galatians 5:22-23) That I won’t be held accountable for a brother or sister lost by my actions, and that I GO and share the Good News and the Gospel of Grace to whomever I am led so that they have an encounter with our Father and that they continue to pass it on. It starts with one and I chose to be that one. 

I’m hoping you all do the same. If you haven’t already, ask God for His forgiveness, acknowledge Jesus as the Lord, Sharpen your sword by STUDYING not skimming the word of God, ask for the Help and guidance of the Holy Spirit, and remember to share and give to others when you are able. Have a REAL relationship with the Father with help of the Holy Spirit  who guides and gives directions(John 14:26) ; and Jesus Christ who goes to the Father on our behalf. (John 16:23)

Let’s stop religion and live the lifestyle, 

Love always, 


Hello beautiful people, 
It has been a minute since I have posted but know that I haven’t forgotten about you all. I actually have been super into the word and having fellowship with the Holy Spirit that time has just gotten away from me. But no worries for God is a restorer of time and I have been instructed to write a blog about obedience. Before you say anything or close out give me a minute of your time. I grew up being the rebellious one out of all of my mother’s children. She would say stop I would go, left I’d go right, homework I would play, and so on you get the point. I have never been one to listen to authority because I always thought I have one life to live and I will live it my way. Who did  people think they were trying to tell me what to do?! I knew everything. Well needless to say if I knew everything I would have known the gift of obedience. With that gift I would have saved myself a lot of bad decisions, tears, scars, money, etc. Not saying obedience solves all problems, but it does help. Know that God is able to work everything out for our good so no worries. 

These past few weeks God and I, through the wonderful companionship of the Holy Spirit (yes He is a person)  were able to work on my strength in obedience. Through these experiences I have learned 3 important keys to maturing as a child of God and operating in obedience. 

1. Whether we like it or not we will ALWAYS have to listen to someone. Moms, dads, teachers, supervisors, husbands, wives, but most importantly God there will be someone who we have to obey. Obedience is the direction that allows us to accomplish something that will later impact our future. So learn it now. If it doesn’t hurt you, kill you, put you against God and He says do it. LISTEN 

2. God’s grace comes with obedience, and God’s grace is enough. Many don’t know that along with the wonderful gift of becoming a child of God you have a gift of God’s grace. This grace not only forgives the sins, but through the proper instruction of the Holy Spirit gives you the ability to no longer want to commit those old sins. This grace also can bring God’s favor. As the old saying goes “Favor isn’t fair”. Through God’s favor there will be many unexpected blessings that come forth because He loves His children and He loves to give us things. But just as we had to learn growing up you get rewarded for obedience and chastised for disobedience. 

3. Obedience brings protection. WHAT?! Yes you read correctly when you have that feeling of wanting to do things your way remember God sees further into the future than we can. We only see today. He sees long term. He knows that the decisions you make today will either give Him the control or Satan the control in the future. We may think that one decision has no affect but disobedience can put us 1, 5, 10 years behind where God wants us to be. Obedience saves time and the messy clean up of failure. Know maturity comes from obedience. 

This past week I think was the hardest week over the few.  I had a tough experience and I was struggling with the idea of really believing God to work a blessing out on my behalf. Then I had the idea of relocating, starting over, doing things my way because God will meet me where ever I am. I then asked God what was He waiting for, I have been being a good steward and showing Him EVERYTHING belonged to Him. But I was getting desperate because the situation was really hard and those who know me can tell you I struggle with patience. In the midst of me getting ready to say God I trust you but I think I am going to go with the decision to leave God told me to “Be still, Be quiet, and trust Him”. I’ve learned that when God tells you to do something LISTEN and it’s not a debate. Know God does love you but He can’t protect the way He wants to if you want to do things your way. He doesn’t interfere with our free will, He gives a way out but if we choose to do something He’ll allow us to do it. I’m sorry I am only 22 years old, God is the Creator and has ALL time. How can I tell Him what to do? Sad it has taken me 22 years to gain that small principle but what’s even more heartbreaking is it takes many of us a life time to get that lesson. So I said okay God you have it, it’s all yours because honestly there was no other way what I needed to happen would be able to get done. I  prayed, was in the word, played my Gospel music the anthem for me this week was James Fortune’s “I Trust You” and waited. The next day my blessing came through! By being obedient and asking God what He wanted instead of doing what I wanted I received the blessing and with every blessing comes a lesson. 

Moral of the story: Be obedient, trust God, lean on His Sovereignty, and ask for His grace. The blessing in obedience supersedes disobedience. Perfect story of the blessing in obedience and the danger in disobedience would be Moses. Through his OBEDIENCE God was able to save a nation. Through Moses disobedience and lack of faith Moses and the children of Israel remained in the desert for 40 years for a journey that should have only taken days; and Moses was only permitted to SEE the Promise land! All of the work God allowed Moses to do and all of the miracles Moses was able to witness and be used for, yet because of his disobedience God prohibited Moses from going into the promise land. You can check the story of Moses out in the book of Exodus starting at Chapter 2. 

Love you guys and be encouraged during the process, 

the Obedient one 

The Blessing In Generosity

Hi beautiful brothers and sisters in Christ, 
have you ever said mentally or verbally, “Better them than me.”? I know I have and today it was placed on my heart to write why this is not biblical. We all are a prayer away from losing our minds, and a sin away from losing our salvation in Christ. Notice it was nothing we did to gain that Salvation in the first place. So why is it we say better that person on the street, that person crying about their bills, that child with no family than ourselves or our own children? That pity that we give isn’t helping anyone and in fact hinders our own blessings. At a young age I was told “you never know when you are in the presence of an angel.” That statement is so powerful yet I haven’t always understood let alone acted on it. For that I have asked for forgiveness. 

The biblical proof that we are not supposed to just watch in silence or always give the “I’m praying for you”  response. 

Matthew  25: 34-40
34Then the king will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father. Inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world.35h For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, a stranger and you welcomed me,36naked and you clothed me, ill and you cared for me, in prison and you visited me.’37Then the righteous* will answer him and say, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink?38When did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you?39When did we see you ill or in prison, and visit you?’40i And the king will say to them in reply, ‘Amen, I say to you, whatever you did for one of these least brothers of mine, you did for me.’

Sometimes YOU ARE THE ANSWER to someone’s prayers. That small voice that says buy that person’s items, that voice that says ask them to dinner, or to even talk to a person on the street is you doing for the Father. We are the good works that God speaks of. We are His light and our love and kindness shows His goodness to the lost. We are to be examples and yes prayer works but so does action. So the next time you say “Better them than me” remember it very well could have been you. Be humble and generous when the Spirit leads. Don’t get taken advantage of but ask God when and He will give you guidance. 

Now for those who are thinking yeah okay how will this help me. I’ll give you a brief story. Because my mom was generous and left her doors open for young ladies to have a safe place to be. Because she gives what she can she has major favor. We were near being homeless and He gave us a place to stay. Had barely any food and He provided food for our table. Our lights were almost off and God provided an offering from church to my mother that kept our lights on. Almost unemployed but God kept her in her position.  So I have seen how the gift of giving keeps on giving. 

I was in GA, pregnant, no money. I had family which I was grateful for but they were struggling themselves. God provided a way home where I had only  bag and left all of my belongings that were brand new. I’m talking furniture, clothes, the whole nine.  Little did I know those last precious months of me returning home would be the last I would spend with my best friend my grandmother. But it never would have happened if I didn’t give what I could, or would have cared less about others when I had. God is faithful yes, but I have seen the difference in favor at the times I have given and I haven’t. From those events I have learned that words have power and actions carry weight with God. He is a loving God but what better way to show love back than by helping our brothers and sisters in their time of needs?

Remember, You never know when you are going to entertain an angel. So love and help when you have the opportunity. 

God bless

Asking for Forgiveness

Hello readers,
This is going to be a vulnerable moment for me. Today I had a rough conversation with someone I still struggle to forgive. We all have those people. But then I went and prayed to God asking for His forgiveness because I semi got out of character. I didn’t curse but I didn’t act in love either. As I was asking for the Lord Jesus to be with me and the Father to forgive me I was allowed to see a vision of myself. Some may believe others may think I am crazy but I know what I saw. I saw Jesus holding me as I cried in His bosom and He assured me He forgave me and He loved me. I then asked Him why did I still allow this man to have so much power over me? Why did I still allow him to hurt me? Then I was shown a broken woman, crying, and what seemed to be as if she was clinging on to life. She was a mere shadow of a woman. No life, nor color. It was rather depressing and my heart hurt deeply at this sight. As I walked over to check on her because she seemed to need more comfort than I did. To my surprise the woman was ME! I was speechless, I turned and looked at the Lord with tear flooded eyes and asked Him what was this. (I thought He was saying I was going to die!) He told me that this was my spirit, and that what I was seeing was what unforgiveness does. She looked so tormented, fragile, and alone. I wanted to look away but I couldn’t. I asked Him how could this be? I forgave the man, I forgave everyone who ever hurt me. He said this is true but you haven’t forgiven yourself. All of this time you spent repairing broken relationships but you haven’t forgiven yourself for the things you could control and those you had no control of. It’s not others killing your spirit it’s you. My Father has forgiven you and so have I. But it is you who needs to forgive yourself. As I sat there and watched this person I didn’t understand how I was supposed to bring her back to life. I felt as if I had nothing left to give her. All I have is a baby and dreams. What could I possibly say to her to bring her back to life? Then I was taken back to this battle of writing an apology letter to myself. So I hope if you’re still with me. I hope you too will be freed by some of the things I am about to say.

Dear Ashley,
I find it crazy that I am writing to myself. But then you and I as the Trinity are three but one. He is the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. We are but flesh, soul, and spirit. This letter is to you. So here it goes.

I am sorry for the lies I’ve told and the pain I put you through. I’m sorry for the intruders who left you with soul ties that were hard to break. For the spirit of addiction and fornication to take place. I am sorry for the times I tried to take your life. I am sorry for the men who hurt you and others I have allowed to seduce you. I’m sorry for the abuse I caused you, and I am sorry for the tears I wouldn’t let you cry. For that child you never got to meet and all of the goodbyes. For neglecting you in times where you pleaded to be set free from this major tragedy I call my life. I am sorry that I allowed that man to break you and made you deny the ones who loved you most. For the years I remained silent as you were slowly dying and were tormented by the past. For not feeling good enough for anyone even the man you call dad. I’m sorry I almost took the life of your beautiful baby girl before she made it into this world because of selfish desires.  I’m sorry for the self hate and mutilation when you have always been there. For calling you names other than what God called you. I am sorry for the unlikely places you ended up that cost you your innocence. For the constant disappointments and disappointing those around you. For denying your mother the one who has always had your back. To leaving your twin sister alone because you allowed your soul to turn black. To prohibit you from feeling and refusing to seek the Lord. But most of all I am sorry for the unforgiveness. You did not deserve all that I put you through. But as I saw you dying I said I can’t give up on you. You beautiful woman of God are all I have. If God can forgive all of the things we’ve been through and the sad decisions I made at the attempt to live what I thought was life. Then I can forgive me too. So beautiful, intelligent, wonderfully made Ashley. You are forgiven and the past is made new. If nothing else remember God loves you. In the name of Jesus I command you to live and I set you free from the shackles of unfrogiveness that has bound me.

The gate keeper.

Thank you for reading those who have. Even if you don’t struggle with the same things I have maybe there is something you need to forgive yourself or someone else for. If only I could show you all what unforgiveness to the soul looks like you would understand the damage it causes your spirit. May you ask God for guidance and peace with your discovery. It’s ok to ask for help. I did.  May you all be blessed to live a complete life.


Trust Worthy

Hello amazing people, 
so today I am going to be a little vulnerable with you all. I have been trying to become more intimate with the Lord lately. I have been reading, having praise and worship, and quiet time with Him. I have asked for the Holy Spirit and even though I can feel His presence it always seems a bit distant. I have been told pray more, fast more, worship Him more and I have been doing that. I’m sure He appreciates the effort but something is still missing. It’s like when you’re cooking and it tastes good but it needs a little something extra to make it amazing. So I have been trying to figure out what it is. I have been asked, “Is your heart in it?”. Well DUH, morning, noon, night, and even the midnight hour I seek His face. I hear “are you waiting.” I do have an issue with being impatient but I think I have been working on it with this seeking thing I’m doing with the Lord. I mean I am only doing what the scripture says. 

Isaiah 55:6 NET 
“Seek the Lord while He may be found;Call on Him while He is near 

Still only a sliver of the relationship I am trying to build is there.  I know He hears me because prayers are being answered, but I want more. Then it hit me, I was told to let go. I gave all of my cares to Him. I stay close because I am scared to lose His presence. I repent daily, ask for forgiveness, and ask to be forgiven for anyone I may have offended. But what I am missing is that TRUST factor. I trust the Lord to fulfill my needs, but I don’t trust Him completely with my vulnerability. I’m sure your thinking it doesn’t make sense. How can I trust God to take care of me but not trust Him with my heart? But clearly I’m not the only one because I am writing this blog which I only feel compelled to do when I feel as if the Holy Spirit is urging me. How many of us trust God with a financial breakthrough, a healing miracle, n new home or car, but we go looking for our spouse, or try fixing our relationships on our own? How many of us say, “Lord I trust you” and decide we  are going to  pray out of obligation. But once we feel like we are becoming overwhelmed in the spirit say “amen”. We all can work on our intimacy with God but without trust there is NOTHING! The bible says:

Proverbs 3:5-6 
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. 6 in all your ways submit unto Him and He shall direct your paths.” 

I thought I have been trusting God but it hasn’t been wholeheartedly. Why? Well if I can be honest I feel guilty. I turned my back on God several times, I have cursed Him, and I have neglected His teaching. I have gone into the world and did things that I knew weren’t honoring Him. He says turn from the world and He will love me, all is forgiven. But I struggle with forgiving myself. So I give what I think is worthy to Him.  Worshiping God because He is worthy to be praised. Praying to Him and giving thanks because He not only desires it but because He DESERVES it. Yet I struggle with God overtaking me because I am not worthy. I am barely saved and I don’t want to cheat God if I fall again. Can anyone who reads this relate? Maybe it’s not because you feel guilty but for some other reason. You are wounded because you didn’t get the promotion you want, the person you wanted hurt you, or because everyone is getting blessed but you? So we lose confidence in Him and ourselves. I want to tell you that is a LIE! Satan has been lying to you. God knew I was going to make the mistakes I made. He knew the reason He didn’t give you that promotion is because He’s moving you in a different direction where it won’t be about the money but so you can have peace and enjoy what you are doing. He knew that man or woman you wanted isn’t worthy of the air you breathe. He also knew that the blessing He has for you is FOR YOU and it’s going to be better than you can imagine so He waits until it’s the perfect timing. (He likes gifting His children!)

I have been seeing Jeremiah 29:11 a lot and Proverbs 3:5-6. I feel like I am being told to tell you all He is the Perfect One. He is Good and He is HOLY! He is TRUST WORTHY and even if we don’t see Him moving or feel Him the way we think we should believe in Him. He did die on the cross after all for US so we can be with Him because He loves us. I don’t know about you all but I am not going to let my fears, disappointments, or lack of confidence from a lying devil keep me from trusting my Father with my whole heart. He’s not a man that He should lie and He is not going to let me down. 

Trust Him

Tears for Tomorrow


Hello again, 

so I am back to write about struggle. I know what most are thinking what struggles can a 22 year old have? Well I’ll start by saying to you all that yes the older individuals had issues with racism, the great depression, and wars. Well hate to break it to you all who want to act as if life has changed so much, but we too face the same struggles and more. At 16 I was overcoming addiction that adults would be coming over in there 30’s. At 20 I was overcoming abuse that almost cost me my life. Now at age 22 I struggle with bills, a child, and trying to discover my purpose. SO please watch what you place your mouth on. Because while I am an unwed mother I overcame abuse that brought my child into existence. While I don’t have a job I am in school and have applied for 100’s of jobs. I have had everything taken, almost had to live on a street, in a home infested with mice, and so much more. But God never gave up on me and I am here today and can say thank you God for taking me out. Why I may not have what you think I should have I am just humbled enough to still be able to take a breath. So you all may not agree but the tears that were shed by me and for me with many prayers and sleepless nights is why I am here. 
Which leads me to this beautiful blog. Tears for tomorrow is a blog set with hope. No matter the struggles we can ALL make it. Just because the picture is not perfect does not  mean we don’t have purpose. Many of us will have a moment in our life where we will cry tears because everything that can and will go wrong happens. Where we are just in search of something to keep us from doing something drastic. I know I was there, and it is by the grace of God I haven’t gone back. Times where living for the world and selfish pursuits seem to be better then having Faith and fighting the Good fight. When we question if following the commandments and loving our enemy’s are even worth it. Where it seems as our prayers are empty and falling upon deaf ears.  God knew that we all would have a moment like this, and this is what He had to say, 
Isaiah 41:10 
“Fear not, for I am with you;be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous hand.” 
Romans 8:18 
“For I consider the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing to the glory that will be revealed to us.”
Romans 8:28
“And we know for all those that love God all things work together for good, for those according to His purpose.”
2 Corinthians 4:17
“For our light and momentary afflictions are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.”
Psalms 30:5 
“For His anger lasts for a moment, His favor is for a lifetime; Weeping may last for the night, But a shout of joy comes in the morning.”
So as these scriptures give you hope; understand we are not alone. Trials and tests will come,but know we have Christ to help carry the burden and it’s okay to cry. Draw strength from those tears and hold on to that hope for tomorrow. Be patient and trust in Him and allow Him to direct your paths. For we serve a merciful God and His grace and blessings will be worth the uncomfortable circumstance. Don’t stay in that place. Press forward and trust that God’s plan is worth the struggle for a brighter future. You are not alone. God loves you. 
Stay Encouraged,